"Daddy, I'm afraid, won't you stay a little while?
I never thought I'd see the day I had to say goodbye
Daddy, please don't go, I can't do this on my own
There's no way that I can walk this road alone
Daddy grabbed my hand and said
Just 'cause I'm leavin'
It don't mean that I won't be right by your side
When you need me
And you can't see me in the middle of the night
Just close your eyes and say a prayer
It's okay, I ain't scared
I won't be here, but I'll always be right there
Even though I'm leavin', I ain't goin' nowhere"
~Luke Combs "Even Though I'm Leaving"
Five years ago today a person whom the adjective "special" does not do justice left this Earth and heaven gained one heck of an angel. Five years ago today I hugged Papa D goodbye, kissed his forehead, and told him I loved him one last time. At 1:23 p.m. five years ago today, my dad joined my brother, Rick, in glory.
As I've been thinking about this day as it has been approaching and reliving in my mind the memories of the final days of my dad's life, while watching cancer steal him away from me was the most horrible and heart-wrenching experience I have ever experienced in my 50 years, I am thankful it was five years ago and not today. I am thankful it was in a time where I could sit with him and hold his hand while we watched t.v. or while he rested; be there to help him and my mom; be there to enjoy what time we had left with him, to make memories, and to share "lasts" with family and friends; be there to watch Dirty Dancing with him one final time; be there by his side surrounded by family and friends as we said our final goodbyes as he took his last breath. Had that been today? Sure, I would have gotten to spend five more years with my dad but what a differently heartbreaking goodbye it would have been. No family gatherings, no lasts, no quiet moments alone, and no celebration of life service due to the ban of groups/gatherings. I sure do miss my dad and would give anything to have even just five more minutes with him but I could never imagine having deal with his final days in the current situation we are in and I am thankful God planned it the way He did.
What a blessing and honor it is that I can say I had the most amazing man for 45 years of my life to call my dad and even though I am 50 now and have lived the past five years without him and will live the rest of my days the same, I know he is with me always and I am thankful this life is not the end because I know I will see him again one day. Love you, Papa D. Until we meet again…
If you would like to learn more about Papa D and why he was so special to so many, I invite you to watch his celebration of life service here on YouTube.
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Friday, March 6, 2020
End of a decade reflections…and thank you
Warning! Long post ahead
It's hard to believe this past weekend marked the end of a decade and the beginning of a new one. I know, age is just a number, you are only as old as you feel, 50 is the new 30, blah blah blah yada yada yada but turning the age of my parents, well that has just felt weird. After all, I remember planning and celebrating their 50th birthdays and it seemed like that was just yesterday but here I am, the one who just celebrated that mile stone and I admit I have not been all that crazy about the whole thing for the past year.
As February 28 approached this past week, I started thinking about my 40s and wow, how much happened in those “short" 10 years…
In my 40s, a lot of doors were closed but a lot of doors were opened too. Jobs ended not by choice but somehow things always seemed to manage to work their way out and I always managed to be better off, even if it meant sometimes not having a job for a time.
Friendships that I thought would last a lifetime apparently were not meant to be and sadly ended but I've been blessed with new friendships as well of those that have stood the test of time. I cherish them more than ever.
Losing my childhood home in a devastating house fire one cold December night that would have killed my parents had my dad not woken up with a leg cramp 😇 and got himself and my mom out before it was too late with literally nothing more than the clothes on their backs. But just as a phoenix rises from the ashes, my parents built their dream home where the old one stood and we gained new place to make memories.
There was cancer, there was a loss but I learned to fly from the inside and when life gets you down and when all hope feels lost, to just keep swimming 🐠 and the people who care about you and love you will be there to be your floaties. I learned how to make the moments count rather than count the moments even more and was reminded that none of us are promised are a tomorrow so live, laugh, be kind, and love like crazy.
I started to run in memory of a friend and sister and ended up finally finding I was actually kinda good at something for a change. I ended up making some pretty great friends because of running, too.
My 40s would mean the home going of my dad, Papa D, and the passing of some dear friends. More losses, unimaginable heartache. But I also gained a beautiful daughter-in-law and became a Nona to a sweet little boy, both of whom have filled my heart with such love and joy when I thought there wasn't any room left to love any more. I was reunited with family whom I spent most of my teenage/adult life without or had to walk away from because of life circumstances. A heart made even more full by these blessed reunions.
So as my 40s came to a close last week, I thought of these things and was surrounded by those who make this life worth living and helped me become the person I am today. It just so happened my last day in my 40s fell on the day I usually spend with my mom. How blessed I am to have such an amazing lady to call my mom. On Friday, Paul took the day off to spend with me and after breakfast and the gym (I had to run 5.0 miles in honor of the day, of course), we headed off to Heidelberg to get Rick who was able to come home after thinking this would be my first birthday without him here. I may not have been crazy about turning 50 but knowing I would have my kids home and all of us together was one of the best presents I could have asked for. On Saturday, I ran a cold and snowy race and even won an AG award, something I thought would be a thing of the past now that I am in a new group. Nice way to start my new decade! And later in the day, the most amazing birthday celebration to remember with those who mean the most to me (minus a few who weren't able to make it). Blessed beyond measure.
God truly is good…all the time.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the cards, gifts, texts, messages, phone calls, and Facebook posts. To know that so many people cared enough to take even just a minute out of their busy day to wish me a happy birthday reminded how truly blessed I am to have such amazing friends and family. So what started as day I wasn't really "feeling it" and not looking forward to for various reasons turned in to such an amazing day so from the bottom of my heart, thank you to each and every one who made this birthday a day to truly remember. I tried to thank you all personally so please forgive if I happened to miss your post. I had so many it was hard to keep up!
#WhenICountMyBlessingsIcountYouTwice #50IsTheNewWhat?
As February 28 approached this past week, I started thinking about my 40s and wow, how much happened in those “short" 10 years…
In my 40s, a lot of doors were closed but a lot of doors were opened too. Jobs ended not by choice but somehow things always seemed to manage to work their way out and I always managed to be better off, even if it meant sometimes not having a job for a time.
Friendships that I thought would last a lifetime apparently were not meant to be and sadly ended but I've been blessed with new friendships as well of those that have stood the test of time. I cherish them more than ever.
Losing my childhood home in a devastating house fire one cold December night that would have killed my parents had my dad not woken up with a leg cramp 😇 and got himself and my mom out before it was too late with literally nothing more than the clothes on their backs. But just as a phoenix rises from the ashes, my parents built their dream home where the old one stood and we gained new place to make memories.
There was cancer, there was a loss but I learned to fly from the inside and when life gets you down and when all hope feels lost, to just keep swimming 🐠 and the people who care about you and love you will be there to be your floaties. I learned how to make the moments count rather than count the moments even more and was reminded that none of us are promised are a tomorrow so live, laugh, be kind, and love like crazy.
I started to run in memory of a friend and sister and ended up finally finding I was actually kinda good at something for a change. I ended up making some pretty great friends because of running, too.
My 40s would mean the home going of my dad, Papa D, and the passing of some dear friends. More losses, unimaginable heartache. But I also gained a beautiful daughter-in-law and became a Nona to a sweet little boy, both of whom have filled my heart with such love and joy when I thought there wasn't any room left to love any more. I was reunited with family whom I spent most of my teenage/adult life without or had to walk away from because of life circumstances. A heart made even more full by these blessed reunions.
So as my 40s came to a close last week, I thought of these things and was surrounded by those who make this life worth living and helped me become the person I am today. It just so happened my last day in my 40s fell on the day I usually spend with my mom. How blessed I am to have such an amazing lady to call my mom. On Friday, Paul took the day off to spend with me and after breakfast and the gym (I had to run 5.0 miles in honor of the day, of course), we headed off to Heidelberg to get Rick who was able to come home after thinking this would be my first birthday without him here. I may not have been crazy about turning 50 but knowing I would have my kids home and all of us together was one of the best presents I could have asked for. On Saturday, I ran a cold and snowy race and even won an AG award, something I thought would be a thing of the past now that I am in a new group. Nice way to start my new decade! And later in the day, the most amazing birthday celebration to remember with those who mean the most to me (minus a few who weren't able to make it). Blessed beyond measure.
God truly is good…all the time.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the cards, gifts, texts, messages, phone calls, and Facebook posts. To know that so many people cared enough to take even just a minute out of their busy day to wish me a happy birthday reminded how truly blessed I am to have such amazing friends and family. So what started as day I wasn't really "feeling it" and not looking forward to for various reasons turned in to such an amazing day so from the bottom of my heart, thank you to each and every one who made this birthday a day to truly remember. I tried to thank you all personally so please forgive if I happened to miss your post. I had so many it was hard to keep up!
#WhenICountMyBlessingsIcountYouTwice #50IsTheNewWhat?
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| Loved spending the last day of my 40s with my mom. |
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| The cake we forgot to bring out at the party. |
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| My family, my hearts. The best birthday present was having them all home. |
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